Personal Development Coach
About me….How does anybody decide to become a therapist, a counselor, a coach? Where did I get the idea that I could help another person create personal growth in their life? My husband tells what I do would drive him crazy. And somehow, to me my genuinely enjoy my work and find it fun. How is that possible. Perhaps my story will help.
My folks did their level best to give us the most stable life possible. But something was always off. My environment was reliable but also cold and emotionally bereft. As the baby of the family, I dodged some of the harsher times my family went through. That said, I felt entirely alone. At the age of eight, I made a vow to never cause any trouble after observing too much of my family’s emotional pain and I kept it. I wanted to be seen, but it felt safer to stay invisible. Everything felt confusing and I was motivated from early on to make sense of the senseless.
I grew up, got married first, then managed to graduate from college. We then had three beautiful children. There was ballet, gymnastics, band, soccer, baseball, all things I did not have growing up. It was fun! Like my mother before me, I gave it my all with advantages of more education and decent prosperity. Eventually though, my childhood caught up with me.
I sought therapy. During the forty five minute drive I cried tears of both sorrow and relief. I no longer remember the name of the woman who saved me from myself. I do remember the relief of finally finding someone who listened. Here was someone who set me on a better path, one of personal growth. It became I path I wanted to follow. So I went to graduate school.
Transitions and More Progress
Divorce and a number of years alone followed. I experienced a lot of progress. Yet, I was still seeking to conquer some patterns that still haunted me. Focusing on what I now call Horizontal Identity was going well. I went to graduate school and became a therapist. The exterior appearance of my life looked pretty good. My Facebook Profile showed it. Life looked normal or even great on the outside just like my first family. Yet none of what seemed to help my clients was working that great for me.
This was when I got serious about exploring intuition. I realized that my life evolved whenever I faced a great fear with courage that did not seem rational to me. The process led to learning how to check in on the deepest part of me, what I now refer to as my Vertical Identity. There were mentors along the way who had nothing to do with the therapy world. In fact the tools that helped most did not come from the hall of academia, or double blind studies or medication.
Tuning In
What helped was tuning in. It was learning to trust that deepest internal part of oneself, listening to that rather than taking the old paths. I faced fears that were very real to me, like thinking I would end up living under a bridge if I went into private practice. Will the ATMs in Germany eat my debit card? Will I be stuck with no money? That sounds crazy!
Yet I actually thought that too, before my first trip to Europe alone. How did I even find the courage to go when I thought such ridiculous things? By getting in touch with my Vertical Identity (TM) and learning to listen to that instead of my fears. Over time and many such experiences I have developed a way to distill getting in touch with this part of yourself.
It is a phenomenal trip and if you read this far, we should talk. Personal growth, whether it is through overcoming overwhelm, or getting stuck in transitions that never seem to end are challenging. I can definitely relate! text me, if you’d like. My number is on the “contact me” page.
Copyright 2025 Marian Haftel Smith